have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize