i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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