guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
