He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
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