if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize