I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
