Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
