Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
