I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
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