whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
pray to the hookup gods
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize