i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
