I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize