Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I still have a little drunk in my system
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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