In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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