i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
My liver is preforming stress tests.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
