Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
