Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize