i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
