Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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