im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
