Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize