O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
