I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
