I accidentally had phone sex last night
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
