If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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