Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
