So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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