i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Randomize
