if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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