On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
