Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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