Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
