there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize