oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
