Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
So many bounce houses so little time
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
