I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
