When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
