I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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