He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
