Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
areolas are like halos for boobs.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
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