Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Randomize