So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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