How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
