whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
