dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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