coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Randomize
