2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize