Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
