While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
