Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
It all started with a game of naked twister.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
