I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
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