So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
