I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Randomize
