After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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