If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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