her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
