Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
