she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
