I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
