I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Randomize
