how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
