Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
