Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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