I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Randomize