I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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